Diary: October, 22

Continued 2/4

20th

I woke this morning at 4 am, I had a restful sleep thanks to a glass of white wine last night. Scottish Borders Council is adamant about not accepting responsibility to rehouse me, even though Cornwall Council has shunned me a local connection. Isn’t it crazy that they rehouse people from all over the world? yet discriminate against me, but maybe that’s the point. The unhappy woman at the Borders council was aggressive with her words when confronted with the situation, not only this but they have now withdrawn from moving me to Kelso, sending me back to the “crash pad” flat, at least for today, stating I’ll be out by the end of the weekend.

I dropped my belongings back at the flat and then went out again. I went to the recharge cafe and enjoyed eggs on toast, a blue Berry muffin, and a cup of tea. This thing in the corner of the cafe was so creepy. I asked a woman working at the cafe about mental health services, she signed posted me to an agency named “we are with you” which turned out to be “ad action”, not for mental health but for drug and alcohol addiction problems. They then directed me to Citizens Advice who promised me a call back over the phone.

In town I revisited Specsavers and managed to get a pair of cheap glasses for just £30, My NHS voucher covered all the costs so by next week I will be able to see clearly to read and sew among other things! Leaving the town via some steep steps I returned briefly to the crash pad flat but could not rest. I walked to the fountain in Old Gala house gardens, which rested my nerves enough to take some pictures.

And a wee burn running into a pond. I visited the Borders family history society and learned some fascinating history about the area, and decided to visit a “Pele tower” a mile west of Galashiels.

Came across some interesting fungi by the Pele Tower:

And a walk up to the hill fort.

Again as yesterday, I found myself too anxious to return to the crash pad flat so instead hitchhiked to Peebles and back again. The rides were not very good, but the last lift gave me just over £4 enabling me to purchase something to eat tonight. I had to walk around Galashiels aimlessly for at least another hour before I was able to burn off enough anxiety to walk back into my crash pad flat.

Tonight I am eating baked beans on toast for supper, two loathes came from the recycle food cafe and beans cost a snip at 40p. My gas appears to have run out so the crash pad flat is cold tonight, doesn’t help to be wet from spending most of today out in the rain. Later I searched outside for the gas meter, and with the help of a neighbour’s suggestion, I found the meter in a box at the front of the crash pad flat.

The gas card was at first faulty, then it took three attempts to switch the flat’s gas supply on. Messed around with the boiler before the hot water and radiators came back on. The filthy water coming out of my dirty socks made me heave, trauma can forlay comprehension, voiding every care for yourself. Cried to shame of self neglect until I fell asleep.

19th

Struggling to focus today, getting a lot of “jolts” and “missing gaps”. I have to find a perspective balance between being both insular and secular and practice some mindfulness before hypervigilance fragments my mind psychotic. Today I have committed myself to stop smoking, so maybe next week I will be able to afford to purchase a good pair of reading glasses. This morning I visited the recharge cafe and purchased a sandwich and a cup of tea, I also enjoyed a cake. I enquired about the cafe, and a woman came from the kitchen and explained that the cafe was set up as a nonprofit business by three or four people, with no religious stuff mentioned. This cafe has helped calm me today, two smiles and a hi from men sitting opposite helped a lot.

With an hour to close I left the cafe and took an impulsive walk south, rising a hill I could view Galashiels below…

On top of the Meigle Hill were three buzzing radio masts, hope they don’t turn them up I thought.

I found myself inbetween Selkirk and Galashiels, somehow I'd aligned my direction with the Southern Upland Way.

18th

Had my eyes tested this morning, it was like something out of the 90s blade runner film. They blew some air into my eyes and then displayed and explained some OCT imaging results on his monitor before performing some additional tests.

The result was mostly positive, that I have healthy eyes, but I do now have to wearing glasses for reading as I have become long-sighted with old age. The optician says this usually occurs at 45 so being 48 I’m slightly ahead. I left Specsavers with a prescription in hand but no money to purchase my granny specs (have 1p in my bank account).

17th

Took a video clip of Old Gala house garden fountain today:

And later, during the evening the spooky Kirk and Alise of Galasiels: